Draculas (yes, plural): a review

There’s something you need to know right now: I don’t like my vampires sparkly.

Neither do Crouch, Kilborn, Strand, or Wilson…the authors responsible for DRACULAS, a new horror novel collaboration available exclusively through eReader devices like the Amazon Kindle. Lately, there’s been a lot of talk about story medium (particularly surrounding Kilborn AKA JA Konrath), the digital revolution, and the future of publishing. This tag-team match of high octane thriller-horror writers may very well stir that pot once again, but I’m not here to talk about that.

I want to talk about sweet red candy. Blood. Particularly the RIVERS of it running through this tale.

The premise is simple enough. Terminally-ill billionaire Mortimer Moorecock purchases what tabloids call a “Dracula skull”, supposedly the fossilized skull of the Count himself (or one of his cousins). The goal: immortality. Upon pressing this skull’s crocodile-like fangs into his own neck, Moorecock succumbs to vicious seizures. His caretakers rush him to the hospital where things go horribly wrong. The infection changing Moorecock into a blood-crazed predator spreads quickly and what should’ve been a quick trip to the ER turns into a battle for every single person in the hospital to survive the night.

And what a battle it is.

I haven’t read a book like this in…well, ever. The mix of comedy, gore, and horror combine for cycles of laughter, wincing, and heartbreak. When you consider that four different authors put the words together, it seems like a miracle that the story is even coherent. They pull it off though, with seamless transitions between characters and voice. As an added bonus, this book comes with DVD-like extras that pull the curtain back on the process that birthed this beautifully bloody gorefest.

Some may call DRACULAS a throw-back to blood-soaked vampires who didn’t shop at Banana Republic and romance brooding teenage girls. On well level, I agree, but I would simply add this type of vampire probably should’ve been the standard all along.

If you feel the same, then this is a must-read.

Sidenote: Did Sam Raimi ever make a vampire movie? One of his old-school, guerilla style horror films that’s gained cult status but has somehow escaped my memory? If not, and if I ever have an audience with the man, I would beg him to adapt this. There’d be very little for him to do. Hire great actors. Hand out Kindles. Let the cameras roll. I may start a petition. And if you read DRACULAS, I think you’d be happy to sign it.