Lamar Giles
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The Darkness Kept

Celebrated 5 happy years of marriage last month. Due to school and work commitments, my wife and I just got a chance to take our much anticipated anniversary trip this week. We did 4 days in Orlando (Universal, not Disney), and it was a great time.  But, what wasn’t so great was the psychological warfare you engage in with employees trained in the Art of Up Sell.

My typical conversation while in Florida…

Me: I’d like to try your Pink Cadillac Smoothie.

Waitress: Would you like a regular or our 20-ounce large?

Me: Large sounds great.

The check comes…

Me: Ma’am…why was my smoothie $15?

Waitress: Oh, because of the collectible cup you asked for. We’re actually washing it and boxing it up for you right now.

Me: I didn’t ask for a collectible cup.

Waitress: Yes, you did. All large drinks come in our 20-ounce collectible cups.

Me: But, you didn’t say anything about a cup, you just asked if I wanted more to drink. The drink is a liquid, the cup is a solid, I wouldn’t presume the two to be synonymous.

Waitress (teary eyed): Sir, there’s no need to curse.

Me: Wait, I didn’t–

Waitress (whispering): Look, I’m sorry. I really messed up. But, I already ran your card and if I have to get my manager to refund the cups, I might get fired. Please, just keep my tip. That’ll make up for it, right?

Me: I suppose that’s fair.

Waitress: I’ll just find some other way to feed my children tonight.

Me (defeated): Just bring me my cup, miss.

Next time, I’m going to discuss movie themed restaurants (the real and the inappropriate fictional…Hannibal’s Hot Shoppe, anyone?)

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