Lamar Giles
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Revision Help

I’m working on revisions for my Young Adult mystery WHISPERTOWN. I’ve gotten feedback from several knowledgeable people with the consensus saying that the story is fresh and compelling. Any negative feedback I’ve received has centered around a few plot points, which are easily fixed, and an inconsistency in voice…not so easy.

The book is a 1st person account told in the voice of a tough 15 year old boy. And one critic pointed out there are a number of times when it doesn’t sound like that. So, going through the book line by line, I’ve spotted some obvious areas, but it’s a balancing act. I still have to maintain vivid descriptions, still have to weave in pertinent info, but word choice and cadence are key. The fact that I have very little access to actual teens doesn’t help…that lends to the ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’ problem.

Is anyone out there a teen (or knows a teen) willing to give the latest revision of my little book a read? I could really use some help from an experienced reader in the 13 – 17 range who’s able to say, “Someone my age wouldn’t say it like that”.

Here’s a brief description of the book:

15 year old Nick Pearson is pretending to be someone he isn’t. Not high school pretending. Witness Protection pretending. And the #1 rule is “stay low-key”. But, when his sole friend Eli dies in the school’s journalism room under mysterious circumstances, and Nick stumbles upon the conspiracy Eli planned on exposing, staying low-key takes a backseat to staying alive.

Newspaper Nerd Eli had a secret, an in-the-works story codenamed “Whispertown”. And it’s got a lot of folks interested. Like corrupt cops, the town’s shady mayor, and certain high-ranking government officials. Teaming with Eli’s estranged (and gorgeous) sister, Nick sets out to unravel the mystery and still maintain his cover. He’ll have to use all the deviant skills he’s gained from his racketeering dad, assassin godfather, and their Serbian gangster boss to find the truth. However, each clue brings him closer to answers he may not want. Whispertown is bigger than he could have ever imagined, and in its shadow stands a killer…a killer Nick fears may be his own father.

Any takers? If so, email me here: lrgiles [at] cox [dot] net

One Response to “Revision Help”

  1. Robert Fleming says:

    I read your work in Brandon’s trio of books. I would love to include one of your stories in a collection of erotic stories based on the blues. The raw sensual poetry of the blues. A Scottish publisher will publish the book next year. Contact me. I will give you all the details.

    Thanks, Robert

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